If and when I decide to come out of the comfy closet with my blog I feel that I need to make a statement about my beliefs. I am a Christ follower. I do not understand it all. Theologies and doctrines that don't follow Scripture frustrate/confuse me. All I know is God loves US and I will celebrate one day in Heaven with my mom because of Christ dying on the cross for me!
I do not have the answers for the world but for me I do know that the One and Only GOD is in control-- of everything. If this is true, which I intellectually know it is --then he is in control of death too. It stings but is comforting to know He is letting me rest in His hands for awhile.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
a grown up riddle
overheard during our attempt to keep things normal...
What do you get when 1 smart mouth child says "why try?? Grammy made hers with loooove!"
You get 2 grown women yelling at the child, "you're right! We are making these with anger, bitterness, sadness, tears, frustration... yep... no love going on here!!"
Don't fret we did reassure The NHGang there was love, just not during the cheese ball ordeal.
What do you get when 1 smart mouth child says "why try?? Grammy made hers with loooove!"
You get 2 grown women yelling at the child, "you're right! We are making these with anger, bitterness, sadness, tears, frustration... yep... no love going on here!!"
Don't fret we did reassure The NHGang there was love, just not during the cheese ball ordeal.
Friday, December 26, 2008
we are here
We made it through Christmas. A little worse for the wear. Weird just plain weird. A horrible bitter painful weird.
What's it like to celebrate with the angels?
love,
me
What's it like to celebrate with the angels?
love,
me
Thursday, December 18, 2008
hey
The countdown is on, I am trying- really trying to get there. I am getting there! Let me count the ways you would have laughed at me over the last few days.
1. The entire order I purchased from Amazon was cancelled much to my dismay and ignorance (went into the spam file - thank you!) Yes, This contained $850.00 worth of my ENTIRE CHRISTMAS PURCHASES!! oh of course I only realized this after I should have been receiving them in the mail!!!
2. I actually show up at the post office to purchase stamps with cash only to find out they do not have any to sell after 5pm, "but you sure can buy them at Walmart in the custumer service center". Thank you -- but I'd like to get them from the POST OFFICE I AM AT NOW!!!
3.When taking the child to the grief therpy program we have to pass 45 of our school teachers leaving the office we had our appointment at! Lovely! "What are you doing here?" each one asked. Oh just taking my child to THERAPY! They were dropping off their sweet holiday donation!
4. Finally get a chance to call to harrass your best gal pal only to dial a phone number of a great friend in high school's mom! Can't remember how to spell my name but can robotically dial a number I haven't used in 15 years!! Weird. Yes, I called her back once I realized it!
The list goes on.. I was banned from Roo's house yesterday due to each event that seems to follow me!! Wish I could call and chat but will cherish the times I did.
much love,
me
1. The entire order I purchased from Amazon was cancelled much to my dismay and ignorance (went into the spam file - thank you!) Yes, This contained $850.00 worth of my ENTIRE CHRISTMAS PURCHASES!! oh of course I only realized this after I should have been receiving them in the mail!!!
2. I actually show up at the post office to purchase stamps with cash only to find out they do not have any to sell after 5pm, "but you sure can buy them at Walmart in the custumer service center". Thank you -- but I'd like to get them from the POST OFFICE I AM AT NOW!!!
3.When taking the child to the grief therpy program we have to pass 45 of our school teachers leaving the office we had our appointment at! Lovely! "What are you doing here?" each one asked. Oh just taking my child to THERAPY! They were dropping off their sweet holiday donation!
4. Finally get a chance to call to harrass your best gal pal only to dial a phone number of a great friend in high school's mom! Can't remember how to spell my name but can robotically dial a number I haven't used in 15 years!! Weird. Yes, I called her back once I realized it!
The list goes on.. I was banned from Roo's house yesterday due to each event that seems to follow me!! Wish I could call and chat but will cherish the times I did.
much love,
me
Sunday, December 7, 2008
My motherletter
So some sappy guy decides to request letters to be written for his wife for Christmas... Here is my contribution, not the eloquence needed for his gift but my heart for you...
Dear Mom,
Been wanting to talk to you for awhile, guess I will do the old fashioned way of communicating (even if it is through email!). I never dreamed that this would hurt so bad. I am not sure how to do this life without you-- I am trying though! I just want to call you, just to talk and catch up on all the news. I am graduating in 10 days Mom!! I DID IT!! I finally did it! I know that you know but I have to share it! Rather than laying in bed sleeping I have taken a job! I know books and kids!! I am SO happy when I am there- It is just hard to drive home without calling you. Roo is fine. She is trying to keep us all organized and where we need to be at the right time! Imagine that! She did get a new dog though! He is HUGE!!! I mean clifford size huge! He is really gentle though- seems to brighten her up! The kids are missing you so bad- but they can write you their own letter- this one is mine!! I guess I just want to say thank you for all you have given me in my life-- even the crap you bought me and I rolled my eyes, means the world to me now!! I never knew I loved so deep until now. Even with the boys, losing you has showed me how big of a hole love leaves. I know I am who I am because of you! Thanks. Words will never be enough. Trusting that God's grace will continue to carry me, miss you bunches. Talk to you later.
Until you welcome me home,
Dear Mom,
Been wanting to talk to you for awhile, guess I will do the old fashioned way of communicating (even if it is through email!). I never dreamed that this would hurt so bad. I am not sure how to do this life without you-- I am trying though! I just want to call you, just to talk and catch up on all the news. I am graduating in 10 days Mom!! I DID IT!! I finally did it! I know that you know but I have to share it! Rather than laying in bed sleeping I have taken a job! I know books and kids!! I am SO happy when I am there- It is just hard to drive home without calling you. Roo is fine. She is trying to keep us all organized and where we need to be at the right time! Imagine that! She did get a new dog though! He is HUGE!!! I mean clifford size huge! He is really gentle though- seems to brighten her up! The kids are missing you so bad- but they can write you their own letter- this one is mine!! I guess I just want to say thank you for all you have given me in my life-- even the crap you bought me and I rolled my eyes, means the world to me now!! I never knew I loved so deep until now. Even with the boys, losing you has showed me how big of a hole love leaves. I know I am who I am because of you! Thanks. Words will never be enough. Trusting that God's grace will continue to carry me, miss you bunches. Talk to you later.
Until you welcome me home,
Saturday, December 6, 2008
might help heal
Good Lord, I did not ever think I would become a blogger- obviously I am desperate to find a way to help heal my hurt for you. This might just be what I need- easy journaling! Or could this just prolong my denial that you are gone? We will see. Can't wait to catch you up on all that you have missed! Yes, I should be putting out Christmas while JK is gone but I'm not! Guess you heard that Roo got the dog she has been looking for- he is huge! A gentle giant though! You add him to the little kitty from JK's truck that looks just like a screamer kitten and we are set for awhile! I hope I get to keep my kitten! You know the only thing Im milking is the fact that I lost you and need something to love!!
Hope it works- miss you tons
Hope it works- miss you tons
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)